This past week, while my university students were taking their finals, I have not been teaching, and rather have been spending time sitting alone in my office grading essays and exams. On the first day of the week, I sat in silence, grading. On the second day, I logged onto my computer and decided to visit pandora to listen to some music.
This may not seem like a big deal to most, and I guess in the bigger picture of life, it really isn’t. But for me, at this point in my life, it is a big deal. I haven’t really listened to music in three years. I’ve listened to talk radio, podcasts, and books on CD, but for some reason, the music I used to love listening to has remained silent. I’ve tried several times to put in a CD, turn on pandora, or run with my iPod in, but I just couldn’t stand the sound of music! It drove me crazy. My old favorites became my least favorites and my immediate world stayed quiet.
Until I turned on pandora. I chose an old favorite, Jose Gonzalez. Within minutes, the music changed to another familiar artist, then another, and then someone new. And I wrote that songwriter’s name down.
I realized, in that moment, how silent my life had been over the past few years. I realized how much I had missed having a soundtrack to my life. For the next few days, I listened to the Jose Gonzalez channel every time I was in my office. And the something else happened as well.
Today, I put a CD in my car and listened to the melodies while I drove around town. It felt so good. And then I noticed something else: a small flicker of the old me was coming back. I was singing loudly, embarrassing my daughter, and feeling quite alive.
I’m not sure if this has anything to do with this blog or perhaps it’s just the music…but I do feel better today. It just took a little song, “Heartbeats,” to make me feel a bit more alive.
Today, I am thankful for Jose Gonzalez and his beautiful song “Heartbeats.”