A Year of Thanks

1 post a day for 365 days showing gratitude

healthy (for now) June 22, 2010

Filed under: self-discovery — courtsbrogno @ 4:52 pm

I am a hypochondriac. I have been since I was a little kid. Partly this is because I’ve had a panic disorder since I was little too, so I’m prone to have high anxiety anyway. The other part is just the way I am…don’t know why. It’s just the way I’m programmed.

But I’m not one of those hypochondriacs who spends half her life in the doctor’s office or hospital. Actually, I rarely go to the doctor. Every hypochondriac moment I have occurs in my head. As in I don’t share my thoughts on my health with anyone really. Because people would think I’m crazy.

And considering I’m a healthy 34-year-old, it is kind of crazy. In my head, I’m about 2 feet away from death’s door. I’m convinced I have some weird disorder. Some weird disease. I seriously cannot watch medical shows on T.V. because all the symptoms seem like ones I have. I also switch the channel now when commercials come on for medicines…I will honestly think that medicine is for me, underlying a serious disease in my body. If I get the stomach flu, I’m convinced it’s stomach cancer. If I have allergies, it’s really a collapsed lung. I’m serious. I really think this way. What I don’t do is research anything on the internet. I may have a wandering mind, one that tracks invisible diseases in my body; however, I have some control. I will not let my anxiety get the best of me.

So anyway, a few weeks ago I sunburned my nose and the right side of my nostril is still peeling. I have been convinced that I have skin cancer. I have mentally written letters to my kids for them to read after my soon to be death. I have double checked my life insurance. I have cried over the thought of not seeing my kids grow up. All because of a peeling nose.

Today I finally went to the doctor. No, it’s not cancer. The doctor actually laughed at my suggestion. Supposedly, skin cancer doesn’t flake nor does it immediately pop up after a sunburn. The doctor believes I just have a little infection and prescribed some antibiotic cream. It should heal in a few days. I then also got a tetanus shot and the new whooping-cough vaccine. Which made me feel so good because I’ve been worrying about the new whooping-couch epidemic. The doctor sent me away with a clean bill of health.

So today I’m thankful for my health. I am healthy (for now).

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One Response to “healthy (for now)”

  1. Cat Says:

    I lived in Vegas for 15 years floating around the pool until I was red-brown because it was the ‘in’ thing to be – TAN. My girlfriend, Bonnie, did the same. I’m talking about for hours and we may have used baby oil to increase the burn. We both have skin cancer now. Bonnie has it on her face and I have it on my lip and leg. Besides having cancer, it’s the worst thing you can do for aging your face. Your tan body looks gorgeous, as does Maddie’s but you may want to reconsider long hours in the sun despite wearing sunscreen. Now my derm says I shouldn’t even be in the sun without sunscreen to hang up the clothes. (It’s a good thing I use the dryer.) The cancer on my leg looked like a bug bite, as does the cancer on my lip that keeps coming back even though I keep having it frozen off.

    Interesting though revealing that you believe you’re a hypochondriac. You’re certainly not the Woody Allen kind but personally I’d never want to reveal my thoughts because I’d believe Aunt Linda would never take me seriously if I really came down with Amazon fever. And the bottom line is anyone who can carry around a pack of Luke on her back up a mountain isn’t actually close to death’s door.


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