I am a hypochondriac. I have been since I was a little kid. Partly this is because I’ve had a panic disorder since I was little too, so I’m prone to have high anxiety anyway. The other part is just the way I am…don’t know why. It’s just the way I’m programmed.
But I’m not one of those hypochondriacs who spends half her life in the doctor’s office or hospital. Actually, I rarely go to the doctor. Every hypochondriac moment I have occurs in my head. As in I don’t share my thoughts on my health with anyone really. Because people would think I’m crazy.
And considering I’m a healthy 34-year-old, it is kind of crazy. In my head, I’m about 2 feet away from death’s door. I’m convinced I have some weird disorder. Some weird disease. I seriously cannot watch medical shows on T.V. because all the symptoms seem like ones I have. I also switch the channel now when commercials come on for medicines…I will honestly think that medicine is for me, underlying a serious disease in my body. If I get the stomach flu, I’m convinced it’s stomach cancer. If I have allergies, it’s really a collapsed lung. I’m serious. I really think this way. What I don’t do is research anything on the internet. I may have a wandering mind, one that tracks invisible diseases in my body; however, I have some control. I will not let my anxiety get the best of me.
So anyway, a few weeks ago I sunburned my nose and the right side of my nostril is still peeling. I have been convinced that I have skin cancer. I have mentally written letters to my kids for them to read after my soon to be death. I have double checked my life insurance. I have cried over the thought of not seeing my kids grow up. All because of a peeling nose.
Today I finally went to the doctor. No, it’s not cancer. The doctor actually laughed at my suggestion. Supposedly, skin cancer doesn’t flake nor does it immediately pop up after a sunburn. The doctor believes I just have a little infection and prescribed some antibiotic cream. It should heal in a few days. I then also got a tetanus shot and the new whooping-cough vaccine. Which made me feel so good because I’ve been worrying about the new whooping-couch epidemic. The doctor sent me away with a clean bill of health.
So today I’m thankful for my health. I am healthy (for now).