I am a commitment-phobic. I’ve known this for years, I’ve thought about it occasionally, and I’ve even admitted it to friends and family, though kind of in jest.
But I didn’t really understood what that meant until this week. After a few long conversations with friends, and even a quip from Christine, I began to really, deeply think about this.
It’s completely true. As soon as a relationship gets serious, I’m out(This does not really include the case of my ex-husband. Totally different scenario. I was out for other reasons). Is it any wonder that my longest relationship to date was with someone I knew would never commit to me?
I’ve been mulling over this the past week, and it’s a bit frustrating because on the one hand I’m a total romantic but on the other hand, a relationship that may end up in marriage (or something like marriage, i.e. a committed, monogamous relationship without the certificate) makes me sweat and panic.
I’m just not sure how to work through this. I guess I could go back to therapy, but considering I’m not even in a relationship that seems a little preemptive (or maybe it’s proactive???). I guess the good part is that I’ve finally come to admit this, own it, and see how it’s worked out into previous relationships.
And as my best friend Denise told me the other night, “You don’t want to be alone forever.” I don’t. I really, really don’t. I’m just not sure how to make myself not be alone (does that even make any sense????).
What was refreshing, however, and something I’m thankful for as it raised my spirits and made me believe in the beauty of matrimony is this little video I stumbled across. My friend and her mom own a business in town that does all the decorations for weddings: flowers, table decor, etc. They are truly artists and their business is the most sought after. My friend did the flowers at this wedding and then posted a video of the actual wedding on facebook. I have no idea who the couple is, but I LOVE them. This video brought tears to my eyes, tears of joy and hope for my own life.mI am thankful for Jackie and Jamison.