I started this blog on my birthday, March 12th. Today it is September 12th, which marks the 6 month anniversary of this blog, or as I like to say, the half-way there mark!
This is my 185 post. I have not missed one day and have only been late once (when in Portland, visiting Liza and Chad and ignoring the time. But I was only 20 minutes late!!!) .Which seems like a lot to me. And yet, again, only half-way there.
I’m thankful for this blog, my decision to start something that, at times, is really time-consuming. I’m thankful for the friends that read.
I’ve learned many lessons, I’m sure, but being the 6 month anniversary, here are the 6 most important things I’ve learned thus far:
1. At first, I dreaded every night because I had to search my brain for something to be thankful for. Now, I have to reduce the number of things each day or else I’d be writing forever. Being more aware of what happens in my day, having to be more aware because I’ll have to write about something, anything at the end of my day, has made me really look closely at little moments and be more appreciative of what goes on in just one day.
2. Sometimes, when I’ve just wanted to park my butt on the couch all day and let the kids watch T.V., I’ve thought, “Well, if I sit and do nothing all day, then what will I be thankful for at the end of the day.” I surely can’t expect something to always just fall in my life, so on those moments when the couch looks so inviting, I get my kids out of the house and do something! This blog has made me more active!
3. I have so many amazing friends, and writing about them has made me appreciate them even more. And feel less lonely. Though I’m still wondering, “Do all my friends have to move away???”
4. Most of my life is pretty monotonous: I work, I hike, I mother, I grade, I read, I have book club, I go out and have a drink every once in a while. Very rarely does something out of the blue happen in my life. But I still love my monotonous, non-exciting life. I know life won’t always be this calm, so maybe I should appreciate my daily rituals.
5. For being an English teacher and a self-proclaimed grammar nerd, I sure do make a lot of spelling and punctuation errors. I also have noticed a pattern in my own writing of habitually having oddly placed modifiers and I seemingly love to split my infinitives. Sometimes I go back and fix my errors. Usually I don’t. I’m OK with my errors. I just don’t have the time to triple check everything.
6. I, more often than not, have a bad attitude about my job. I need to work harder these next 6 months on changing that. I have a job. So many people I know and around the country do not. I have a good job, too. One that, despite all my complaints, I actually like. I will try harder to be more positive!
This blog has not changed my life in any dramatic way, and I’m not sure I thought it would. I’ve watched Oprah enough to see that people who come on her show and claim that they’re forever changed are totally full of shit. In real life, in normal life, in life not on Oprah, most people change a little bit for a little while. And then slip back into old habits. I started this blog because I’d been confined in my own negative thought process, constantly beating myself up for the past. I wanted this year to be about acknowledging my errors, my issues, my insecurities, my personality defects. I wanted to look myself in the mirror, take ownership of everything I am and have done, and then hug myself, love myself, and accept who I am and MOVE FORWARD.
Well, I have good days and bad days. I have days where I feel on top of the world, like I’ve really accomplished something serious and wonderful and difficult all at the same time. Like something has just clicked and made sense. Like I have forgiven myself for something in the past. Like I have faced the anger I hold onto and just let it go, let it flitter up and over a tree onto a new town, and into someone else’s head.
But then that damn anger just comes shooting back like a boomerang. And I feel really low. Like I’m the same person I was 10 years ago. Like I’ve had no growth. Like the entire town is saying terrible things about me. Like I am the worse person who ever walked this part of the earth.
But then I think, “How totally egocentric of me.” I laugh at my dramatics. And the process starts all over again.
I’m not perfect. Nor do I aspire to be. I just want to be better than I am now and to make conscious decisions that help me accomplish this goal ever day.
Being thankful is a tool. Noticing life moments is a gift. Healing a little is a blessing.
Staring this blog was a good idea.