Last night I realized that I did not have a babysitter for the hour I am in therapy. I hated to do it, but I had to ask my sister if she would watch Luke and Maddie from 4-5, and this is especially difficult because Wednesday is her long day with Luke, when she’s with him from 9-3 already. She agreed to do it without any hesitation, and so as payment, I offered to pay for pizza to be delivered to her house after watching the kids.
But when I returned home from therapy, she had made dinner for me and the kids. Using a Sesame Street cookbook I have lying around the house, she had made a meatball dinner with some rice on the side.
My life became infinitely easier because I hadn’t even thought of dinner for us yet; plus, she was already doing me a favor, which makes my sister the most awesome sister in the world. Well, at least the most awesome sister in the world today (unless, of course, we don’t count sisters who’ve given kidneys and other vital organs to sisters today, but you get the point). I am so thankful!
While my sister was cooking and watching the kids, I was sitting in therapy. Sometimes I feel like therapy–at least for me–is really weird. Since there are no major dilemmas in my life right now, I just kind of go in and free talk. And my style of free-talking means there is no direction, no end point, and I always end up wondering how I got to a place in the conversation.
But my therapist must have the most brilliant kind of listening mechanisms ever because not only does he follow exactly what I’m saying but then he makes sense of it.
Truly, this is an amazing feat if you’ve ever had a conversation with me that’s not very focused.
As homework from last week, my therapist gave me a book about the Myers-Briggs test and I had to do the questions and find out what type of personality I had. Which I did four different times, with three different tests. Anyway, I’m an ENFP. So my therapist and I started talking about what this means and then I mentioned the event I had last Friday and we talked about that and then that some how weaved into how I became a teacher and then we weaved back to the whole ENFP thing.
I know I’m probably missing some other things we discussed, but that’s the general outline.
So at the end of all this my therapist says, “So can you see how your academic/work life and your relationship life are running parallel to each other?”
“Ummm…no,” I say because I truly was thinking about how much I liked Shakespeare and had not even really paid attention to my train of thought.
But, of course, my therapist had and he told me how focused and centered and how diligent and hard-working I’d been in my academic life/career and how I have behaved the exact opposite in my relationships.
Which is true. In the past, most of the men I’ve dated, I’ve dated because I just thought it was awesome that someone liked me.
True. Sadly, very true. (though not to say that these men were not awesome, but I definitely wasn’t being picky in the sense of dating men who were good fits for me).
So then my therapist suggests that I need to put the same diligence, attentiveness, and focus into my relationships.
Then he told me he wanted me to “go to my edge.”
“My edge???” I asked.
What the fuck is my edge?
Well, according to my therapist, my edge is relationships. I haven’t been able to figure them out and they scare me (SO MUCH) and so I need to be on that edge, to feel it out, and learn how to navigate my edge, feel comfortable on it, and work through the discomfort.
This guy is GOOD. I mean, really good. And he’s totally right.
It’s like he takes all my jumbled thoughts and puts them out in a clear, linear fashion and then everything just fits–like puzzle pieces. And then I know what to do and what to focus on. I’m so thankful for him.
So, you guessed it, for homework: Again, ask out a man.
Dammit, my kick-ass awesome therapist, I’m working on it!
But to make the whole situation more difficult, the reason my therapist had me figure out my personality type is because humans often choose mates who are their exact opposite because they think that’s what they need in life–the other half, someone who will be what they are not (makes sense), and I’ve been doing this exact thing for years! But studies show that we do better, are more successful in relationships, with people who are like us, not unlike us. So the kicker? My personality type ENFP only comprises about 5% of the population.
Could I narrow down my possibilities any more?
I mean, seriously, could I?