A Year of Thanks

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bart bitch December 17, 2012

Filed under: self-discovery — courtsbrogno @ 5:35 pm

Some things you need to know:

1. I was planning on writing a deep blog about being a mentally and emotionally stable woman and how much that sucks, but then this little story crept up and was way better. I’ll post about my emotional well-being another day.

2. My mom and dad live in the Bay Area.

3. I’m single.

So, I was at my sister’s house the other day and my parents were visiting. My mom and I were sitting on the couch and all of a sudden she starts talking about people she kind of knows who make a lot of money. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: So my neighbor’s son had to sign for her lease–she’s 80–and that wasn’t a problem because he makes like $450,000 a year? can you even imagine that?

Me: No.

Mom: And Jan’s son–you remember Jan don’t you?

Me: No.

Mom: Well, her son and wife just bought a $1.2 million dollar house and then they sold it to buy a $2.6 million dollar house in Palo Alto. Can you even imagine the salary they make?

Me: No.

Mom: And then there was this guy that your dad knows and his daughter got a job in the tech industry in Mountainview, and do you know how much she’s making?

Me: No.

Mom: $120,000. And she’s 28 years old.


Mom: Do you understand what I’m saying?

Me: No. Do you want me to get a job in the tech industry? Cause I’m really not qualified.

(In walks my sister and best friend Katy)

Mom: No. But since you’re single and you’ve been really sad, I think you should come stay with us and ride the train in the morning?

Me: WHAT???

My sister: Yes, that’s a great idea!

Me: WHAT???

Mom: Well, those commuter trains are filled with men who make millions of dollars. You could just ride it in the morning and meet someone.

(Mom beaming)

My sister: YES!!!

Katy: That’s a great idea.

Me: So you want me to come up and stay with you and then get up in the early morning to go sit on a commuter train to try and meet someone?

Mom: Exactly. Your dad could drive and pick you up.

My sister: You could totally blog about it.

Katy: You really could.

My sister: You could call it Bart Bitch.

Mom: No. You can’t blog about it. You don’t want to give away your secrets.

Me: Are you for real?

Everyone: YES!

The next day, I was at Maddie’s soccer game with my mom; Carolyn, a good family friend; and Carol, one of Maddie’s teammate’s moms. Again, the subject was broached.

Mom: I mean, don’t you think that’s a great idea?

Me: No.

Carol: It is. It really is. You should do it.

Carolyn: Seriously Courtney, you should try it. It can’t hurt.

Me: Oh My God.

All I could think about was how desperate I must look. Ok, I know I’ve been a bit sad lately, but it’s not like I’m pathetic. But this is how I imagined the whole thing going down (pretend I’m at the bart stop and you’ll probably have to click on the pictures to actually see the words. sorry.)

bart 1

bart 2

bart 3

bart 4

Bart Bitch. That’s what I’ll call myself. Wait for the new blog with that title.

Unless, I find a man my own way–whether wealthy or not. (and chances are he won’t be wealthy cause that just kind of freaks me out).


8 Responses to “bart bitch”

  1. tasha Says:

    This is amazing! Not sure how effective it would be. I am beginning to think that if you want to date anyone in SF you have to join a dating website. And if we are being honest dating websites kinda freak me out! Miss you tons!

  2. Cat Says:

    At first I thought your blog was so funny; I smiled for five minutes, but then, I thought, how sad, that so many people in your life are focused on how money could make you stable, or happier, or add another stocking to your fireplace. It truly is a WTF – now I’m smiling again. I think you should serve food at a homeless shelter this Christmas and possibly meet an untouchable priest, or a vagrant writing his autobiography of when he had it all in the SF Valley. Keep your sense-of-humor Courtney – the Bart Bitch post is publishable. And as far as finding a man, maybe one will drop down your chimney and sweep you and the family off to the North Pole where you can gain weight, Maddie could meet a nice elf to marry, and Luke might think of becoming a toymaker. The most important Christmas wish I have for you is to stay out of harm’s way and be thankful that you’re loved by so many, even if their wave lengths are different from your own.

  3. nmacdoug Says:

    Bart Bitch could be a fantastically lucrative series of bad novels! This is your ticket out!!

  4. Denise Says:

    Gotta love your Mom and Jen. I think it is a sign of how emotionally healthy you are that you wrote a hilarious blog about this….rather then spending weeks in your therapists office. I can sense the inner peace coming from you now. It was great to see your smiling face today, we need to make time in the next two weeks. You have to promise!!!!

  5. GEW Says:

    This could definitely be a blog theme. “My Year as a Bart Bitch!”

  6. Sister Says:

    Dont forget, after you shot down Bart Bitch you did promise me I could pick out your next boyfriend. I’m on the hunt. Your picker has been a bit off. And I think you could publish this blog.

  7. debbie Says:

    You can travel the country…from BART bitch to the subway slut.

  8. Anita Says:

    I randomly came across your blog and really laughed! Sounds like your family loves you tons, even if their way of showing it is a bit nutty- and hey, whose family isn’t a bit nutty!

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